I am so addicted to my ex. He’s literally a drug. It’s like an addict that only needs one more hit to be hooked again. I can’t stay away from him. Every fiber of my being knows he will never fully commit yet my need for him in my life is stronger than my will to move on. He’s just as addicted to me and I know we love each other, but it’s intense and irrational. He will never deny me or say no which makes it so much harder to stay away. I love him deeply. We were together for 11 years and 6 months. The last time we said goodbye, I was sure it was really the end, but here I am again questioning it and giving it another chance. What do I do?
That is quite the question! Let’s see if I can understand what you are asking. Are you asking how to get over your previous relationship or are you asking why the relationship you keep returning to never works out? I guess that it doesn’t really matter. Both questions have the same answer, you are so unhappy being single that you would rather be in an unhealthy, unfulfilling, unsuccessful relationship.
Tell me Charlotte, why are you unhappy being single? What does being single mean to you? Does it mean you are not good enough? Good enough for a successful relationship? Good enough for real, happy, mind-blowing love? You have to watch the good enough statements…they can be dangerous! Whatever gave you the impression you weren’t enough, enough of anything? There are times when most all of us feel we are not enough, it’s a pretty “normal” emotion. How we respond to it is the important thing. Whenever we have a case of the not enoughs; not tall enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough we need to immediately get real with ourselves. Say, either to yourself, or out loud, “I am enough.”
I know it sounds like you have an enormous problem. You even described it as a mental addiction. But if we truly believe that we are enough, there is no way we would let something like this happen. If you are enough, you don’t look for someone to complete you. When the time comes and you allow someone into your life that person compliments you. Not some of the time, not most of the time, not once in a while, all of the time. Everything until then is just dress rehearsal! Hearing you describe what you have Charlotte, doesn’t sound very healthy! You said it yourself. It doesn’t even sound like love, of any kind.
You said it best when you said you were addicted. You are looking for something to be provided to you. Something that will make you feel better about yourself, something that will make you feel you are enough. Unfortunately, we can never look outside ourselves for anything, least of all love. Love can only be found within, it’s our job to let it blossom. But when we are addicted to something, we are always looking outside.
The first step in moving forward is affirming to yourself that you are enough and really believing it. Once this happens, problems that you currently have melt away, because there is no room for them. People who we needed and couldn’t be without, will become less important and our whole view of them will shift! Our whole view of life will shift! But it can only be found inside of us, never outside. Don’t worry though, it sounds like he is looking outside as well!
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