“I was hoping that the relationship would return back to normal..”

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Dear Jenny,

I have been together with my girlfriend for almost a year and a half, but recently, things have not been right.  Let me back up a little bit, my girlfriend spent the night with another guy four months ago. It was a very painful time, but we worked through it and eventually worked everything out. Or so I thought. I was hoping that the relationship would return back to normal like it was before the cheating happened. Or maybe our love would deepen because of the cheating, in other words, we would recognize how intense our love is.  But needless to say, that did not happen. As strange as it may sound, it seems as though she is taking me for granted. If anything, I thought she would be very grateful I took her back and maybe overdo it trying to be the perfect girlfriend and make it up to me. Maybe I should have prefaced this question by telling you that I absolutely adore her and maybe I should never have taken her back, but I could not see myself without her.

Please share your thoughts.

Thank you, Dustin


Dustin,

I appreciate your question.  I actually had to re-read your current situation a few times. What struck me as very important was when you stated that you “absolutely adore her.” Could you be in the situation you are in right now because of absolutely adoring her? What I mean is, you had a special love, a bond with someone and when that bond was broken, you expected with a little over looking, everything would return back to normal, or the way it was before the mishap happened.

Unfortunately, it is not possible for a person to overlook something that hurts them so deeply and just return back to ‘work as usual.’  Life does not work that way. We are all human beings with feelings, we all experience pain and grief. In the situation that you are describing, you are not the only one who is expected to experience pain and grief. She should be grieving as well. She should be addressing her feelings and how what she has done to the relationship is affecting her.

Perhaps it could be as easy as this, you did not take enough time to grieve before trying to return the relationship back to the way it was.  You did not do what was needed, in this case it was to refocus and address if you wanted the same exact relationship that you had. Maybe you should have looked into why the cheating took place? Maybe you should have looked at why you would accept someone back into your life that had hurt you so deeply in the past.

There are so many open ended questions to this scenario. But the final answer and final decision comes from only you. Are you having a great time and are you feeling fulfilled being in the relationship that you are in? If the answer is no, that needs to be addressed. Not whether your partner is taking you for granted, or whether you adore your partner, but whether you are feeling fulfilled at the present time or not.

If the relationship that you are in provided you with the answer to this question, then you would not have asked the questions about being taken for granted or taking someone back. Sometimes, the only way to get answers to questions we really need to know, is to ask ourselves. You are the only person who can answer this question for you Dustin. And then the next question would be, if you are not totally fulfilled in a relationship then why be in it?

– ❤Namaste, Jenny

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