I wanted to write in because I have a situation going on at work that I need your help with. You offer great advice on romantic relationships, but I’m hoping you can help me with one that is not romantic. I have a great bunch of people who I work with; all of them are funny and helpful. I think all in all, we are a great team. But one of the workers (she has been part of the firm a lot longer than myself), is absolutely annoying and positively dreadful! I can’t stand her negative attitude or how she is constantly judging people and things. The personality she presents to the clients is totally fake, it bugs me just thinking about her! I try to let it go and remind myself that I am not her nor am I anything like her, but man does she annoy me.
Do I just need to accept that there are people in this world who I am not going to mesh with? Or should I try to talk with her and resolve this by talking it out?
– Heather K.
Sometimes relationships with co-workers can be anything but pleasing and fun! They are people who we have to work with every day, that we tend to spend more time with than our own spouse or even our children. Our co-workers are people who we are supposed to get along with and even “respect their opinion!” More often than not, we find that we disagree with how they manage things in the office or object with their work ethic altogether.
We are constantly being challenged by people who display things we don’t like or wish we could change. But let me offer this to the equation, maybe all the qualities your co-worker has and keeps presenting to you, are the same qualities you have. After all, characteristics that we see in another, the really annoying ones, are just mirroring us. It’s pretty heavy to think about, but it is true. There are parts of us that we aren’t proud of and that we would like to hide. Those same parts of us come out in others who we just can’t seem to shake! Meaning, those annoying people will follow you until you become comfortable with their habits.
A simple way to get rid of this bothersome feeling you get when you’re around this co-worker is to accept. Accept that there are some people who have characteristics that are going to bug us. Accept that they are showing us what bugs us about ourselves. Most importantly, try to release the need to control, because that is all you wanted to do in the first place, control the bothersome actions! A funny thing happens when you release the need to control things, you release fear and lots of negative emotions that aren’t serving you. The whole reason we feel fear, doubt, worry or even frustration is because we cannot control something. When we accept that we can only control ourselves, we feel a lot more relief. And most likely, we will feel such relief we won’t even remember why we were bugged in the first place. So in the end, bless that irritating rascal, know that they are just angels in disguise, helping us see what we need to see in ourselves.
As time goes on, you will no longer be faced with the same dreaded co-worker, all feelings will seem to subside.
One last thing, when you have more compassion for others, you’ll have more compassion for yourself.
“Many of the faults you see in others, are your own nature reflected in them.” —Rumi
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