Dear Jenny, Recently I have found myself getting angry at my boyfriend for no reason. Sometimes he does just average normal things that he has always done since we have been together, the past year and a half, and I am reacting differently than I ever have before. To put it very bluntly, he is really beginning to get on my nerves. It is the strangest thing, I used to think that we were the perfect couple, I mean, we had so much in common and we’re always getting along. We had fun together whatever we did. It seems as time has gone on, he is beginning to annoy me. I think that it is probably me more than it is him and I am letting him under my skin. But I wanted to get your opinion on this.

Thanks, Joelle


Hi Joelle,

I am glad that you have decided to focus on you being the problem instead of your boyfriend. It is always you, it is never the other person. What the other person does, how they act, how they annoy us, that is all them, how we respond is all us. It sounds great that you are ready to take accountability for your feelings; I wish more people were like that. It could be so many different reasons why he is beginning to annoy you when he is only doing the same things he used to always do.

It could be as easy as you and he having unresolved issues and things are starting to bubble up for the smallest reasons. Or the two of you have been together for a good amount of time and of course, it is very common, you two would do certain things that bother the other person. Frankly, that is very natural and happens often. If you are going to let that define your feelings or sweep them under the rug, that is a decision that you have to make.

It could be as simple as asking yourself if you would like to live with the feelings that you have right now or not. Is your boyfriend important enough to you that you would actually choose to explore your feelings? Because they deserve that. Please know, Joelle, that if you do not explore your emotions, and you just get rid of your boyfriend, which is probably the easiest thing to do, they will follow you; probably, right into your next relationship and then the relationship after that. Our feelings are funny that way, they demand to be heard. And if not addressed, they will stay with us for years and years and years.

Another way you can look at this is maybe, you have certain thoughts and emotions and judgments about relationships, that is why you project these feelings. What ever the cause, your thoughts need to be addressed. You said it best when you said you knew that it was about you.

This goes for everyone Joelle, not only you, you have to figure yourself out a little bit more.

Regarding this relationship, ask yourself if your boyfriend is important enough to you to explore your feelings? If he and the relationship are not worth it, get out of the relationship. I promise your feelings will come with you to the next one, no matter how fabulous the guy is.

I think that you should be happy these feelings arose within you, because now you know what your work is. I invite you to consider the possibility that he was only put in your life so that you could learn more about yourself. Remember that the way a person treats us or the way they act toward us is their journey, their path. But the way we respond and the way we let them make us feel, that’s ours.