“…You Can’t Have It All, Right?”

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Dear Jenny,

I am so happy with my life and everything I have coming to me.  I honestly feel like I am the luckiest woman around.  I have so much of what I want; my life seems totally together.  I always tell people how lucky and fortunate I am.  But recently, someone challenged me on it; she said that if I am so happy, why do I complain so much about my boyfriend. I never really thought I did, but in retrospect, I do talk about him in a negative manner way too much.

We have been together for almost one year and he is a great guy… most of the time.  Sometimes I feel that there are some things about him I need to fix; just little things I need to tweak. Otherwise, though, I am grateful that I have the amazing life I have.  If it wasn’t for this relationship that isn’t all bad, my life would be perfect.  I mean, you can’t have it all, right?

– Thanks, Maggie

Hi Maggie,

Actually, you can have it all.  But in order to have it all, you need to claim it all.  So things are great in your life and you acknowledge all that you have, you even give thanks for it all. Except there is one thing that is off?  But that’s okay?  You can’t have everything?

Let’s dissect exactly what you’re saying.  You’re telling me that it’s okay to have almost everything you are asking for.  But you don’t have the romantic relationship you want, but that’s okay.  Because you don’t have it, you’ll just complain about it, so you can hear these problems out loud?   I am not sure why you want to talk about it.  Anyway, simply put, you seem to have some stuck views and feelings of yourself that aren’t serving you, but it seems that you can’t or won’t move past them.  These could be feelings of unworthiness, feelings of not being enough, maybe feelings of doubt and fear.  Either way, they are no good.

The feeling of being unworthy has been given way too much credibility.  To start with, this is a feeling that is not even real.  It is a feeling created by our ego and it doesn’t even exist.  Something that happened to you in your past deemed you unworthy.  Maybe it is from your childhood, possibly something occurred and it didn’t go the way you wanted it to go.  Could it be that someone said something that assisted in you forming an opinion of yourself?  Whatever the reason, the feeling is there and it won’t go away.  Now you are taking it with you wherever you go, even in your romantic relationships.

The reason that it feels so bad when you talk about this feeling is because you are contradicting your inner being; your inner being loves and adores you.  Having a feeling of unworthiness is so opposite of what you know to be true, you FEEL it.  And then when you complain about it, you are just amplifying this ridiculous view of yourself.  You’re not even trying to get past it you are justifying its existence.  You are arguing for your limitations.  Essentially you are saying, “my relationship isn’t that great, but everything else in my life is, so I am just going to accept it.”

Whether you honestly feel that way, and I’m sure you don’t, why would you accept it?  Do you honestly feel that you are not worthy enough to have everything you want?  Do you believe that you could be less than another person, that you deserve less?  Do you think that you are not enough?  That’s ridiculous!  It can be as simple as this, Maggie, ask for what you want, know that it is coming and accept nothing less.  Because if you have the where with all to imagine it, the universe has the where with all to deliver it.*

You have to be able to ask for what you want and stop arguing for your limitations. You need to stop defending why you can’t get it.  All that the feeling of unworthiness is, is having negative emotions and being willing to put up with it.  That’s it.  So ask yourself, how long will you continue justifying something that you do not want, how long will you accept something that is not a perfect match?  The answer is, as long as you feel you are not enough.  The only reason it feels so uncomfortable and hurts so much to feel unworthy is because it is completely disagreeing with your inner being. Your inner being is rooting for you and you are rooting against yourself.

In all actuality, the only difference between the people who get what they want and the people who don’t, is that the people who get what they want think they deserve it…  That’s it.

Every time I feel a sense of unworthiness creeping in, I remember when an old acquaintance told me he almost bought a beautiful brand new Lexus.  But after some serious thinking he decided that he didn’t deserve it… so he got a Toyota.  Ouch!  What don’t you deserve?

Always remember, you are worthy and you are enough!

– ♥Jenny

[*excerpted from the Teachings of Abraham, Law of Attraction Workshop]

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