Dear Jenny,
I have been with the same man for almost 7 years. We are so happy together! We have been through so much and our relationship only gets stronger. At the same time, I have been going through a very difficult period in my own private life. Things are happening with my family and I have been dealing with lots of stress. Unfortunately, I am handling it in very unhealthy ways. For starters, I have been eating a lot more than I used to. And the things I am consuming are not healthy to say the least. I feel that I have gained a few pounds and maybe I am a bit curvier, but after all is said and done, I am still the same person.
The past few months have been rough on my romantic relationship. My boyfriend and I have been arguing more than usual. And then last week I bought a new, sexy nightgown. I figured he would like it, he loves when I wear that kind of stuff for him. I was extremely surprised when he turned off the light and told me to go to bed, then he told me he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. I know that I have gained some weight. I know that I probably don’t look attractive anymore, but I am trying to lose the weight and get healthy again! I can’t help but feel so sad.
Sadly, Collette
Collette,
You probably expect to hear me say that he never should have said that to you. You probably expect to hear me say that he is a terrible man for being so unkind to you. While that might all be true, I would like to focus on you.
Sometimes when we are going through tough times in our lives we lose focus on taking care of ourselves. But if this ever happens it should happen for an hour, a day at the most. Actually, it should not happen at all. The only person who ever takes care of you is you. I know that there are certain times when we want to look a certain way in order to look attractive or appealing to another. That is not the same thing as taking care of yourself and focusing on you.
When you feel that you have let yourself go so much that YOU have actually noticed, that is when it has gone too far. And at that exact moment is when a change needs to happen. When that change does not occur and the only thing that happens is you begin to complain, acknowledge, and justify why you have let yourself go, that is when you really let yourself down.
There are times when people only fix themselves up to appeal to another and once they attract the other person into their lives, they will let themselves go. People like that are only out for others. And just the opposite, there are some people who do not fix themselves up to look appealing at all to others. Four people in those cases, they might have two little self-esteem or too much self-esteem, but that is not the same as what you are asking.
Something has occurred from the time that you started dating your significant other and now, for some reason you have stopped focusing on and caring about yourself. Look at that, look at how you feel about yourself. You are going to be with yourself for the rest of your life, it is not normal to stop caring for yourself.
Taking this a step further, if you accept what he said to you, well, that again shows that you are not taking care of yourself. But that is a totally different kind of not taking care of yourself, or is it?
❤Namaste, Jenny
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