By Sunny Simon

    While scrolling through Facebook I paused on the following letter to self: “Don’t get worked up over things you cannot change, people you cannot change. It’s not worth the anger build up or the headaches. Instead, control only what you can. Everything else, let go.”

     That’s excellent advice, but what made me take a long look at the post was the concept of self coaching. Granted, we all know how to follow through on goals, do the right thing and listen to our wise inner voice, but why don’t we? I can answer that one with a multitude of reasons; fear of failure, fear of success, laziness, aversion to change and the list goes on.

     Let’s step back for a moment and instead of writing up a list of resolutions in 2019, how about writing a note to self. In her book, “Be Your Own Life Coach,” author Fiona Harrold advises we look inside ourselves rather than outside for solutions, assurance and guidance. So let’s do that. Here’s your assignment. Spend the next 30 minutes scanning 2018 in your mind’s eye. What did you do well, and why? What could you have done better? Do a deep dive to discover the core reason you failed on goals. Your objective is to gain clarity and develop the confidence to accept your own advice.


     For example, maybe you failed at losing weight and becoming more physically fit. Could the reason be you hate going to the gym because you find it boring and mundane. Perhaps you’d rather be dancing. Well that’s it! Advise yourself to throw all your energy into dancing. Take lessons in all forms of dance (money should not be an issue, if you cannot afford it, go to YouTube) dance daily and set your sights on entering a dance competition. Get the picture?

     Continue the process by examining your shortfalls and recommending definite actions in a letter to self. Most importantly do it tenderly. There is a section I love written by novelist Brenna Clarke in the book “What I Know Now: Letters to My Younger Self.” She writes, “Brenna honey, try more things. Cross some lines. You should be cooking on all four burners.”

     Wisdom is a result of your mistakes and failures. Use that to your advantage in the new year.  Work on being your own best friend and coach yourself to success. I wish you the very best in 2019. Be bold and be brilliant! Sunny Simon is the owner of Raise the Bar High Life and Career Coaching. More about Sunny at

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