By Sunny Simon
During my second coaching session with Megan I noticed a significant change in her demeanor. The previous week she sat in my office wringing her hands and chewing nervously on her lower lip. Her major concern involved “the micro-manager from hell” whose favorite sport was sending Megan terse emails asking for almost minute-to-minutes updates on her assigned projects.
My new client is a quick study and began employing the strategies we discussed in our first session to aid in diminishing the anxiety experienced at work. Megan smiled broadly relating to me that her favorite new method in dealing with her not-so-cool boss is “the power pose.” She learned that holding your tongue does not necessarily mean acting in a subordinate manner. Clinging to an important tenant that “actions speak louder than words,” Megan is quickly becoming a student of non verbal communication.
She learned about non verbal social dominance by viewing a Ted Talk I recommended. In the video, social psychologist, Amy Cuddy, discusses her findings on how body language can change other people’s perceptions and even our own body chemistry.
Prior to listening to this body language specialist, Megan’s typical posture in her manager’s presence was very closed and guarded. She confessed she almost wanted to make herself invisible during a one-on-one encounter. After watching Amy flash different non verbal poses on the screen, Megan decided it was a technique she would put to the test.
The next morning when Mr. Mean strode assertively in Megan’s office glaring down at her computer screen, Megan summoned up her courage, pushed her chair away from her desk, stepped back into her cubicle and struck a pose. Uttering not a word she placed her hands on her hips spread her feet apart made direct eye contact with her boss as he began pontificating about how important it was that she finish her project on time and under budget. As she stood there not only did Megan begin to feel more confident about interfacing with her superior, he actually started to tone down his rhetoric and left her office with a wan smile and nod.
Non verbal communication may not be the be-all-end-all to dealing with difficult people or surviving uncomfortable situations, but I believe we can all benefit from what Cuddy teaches. Watch her Ted talk: www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are and see what you think. It worked for Megan and it can work for you.
Sunny Simon is the owner of Raise the Bar High Life and Career Coaching. More about Sunny at www.raisethebarhigh.com
