By Gay Patricia Matheson L.M.F.T. and Dean Del Giudice L.M.F.T.
What’s the worst mistake a person makes when entering in to a relationship?
We think one of the biggest mistakes is moving too fast.
When we first started doing therapy twenty years ago, we were stunned when clients would describe their relationships with their significant others. It became clear that many clients had almost nothing in common with their partners, or very little. Some had devolved into actually disliking one another, others settled for living separate lives like roommates. We started asking ourselves how such different individuals got together in the first place.
We wanted to know, when a relationship was beginning, were people honestly and openly revealing who they were and what they wanted out of life? Were they discussing their likes and dislikes, values, goals, plans, etc.? We discovered the answer was no, they might have done so in a cursory way, but certainly not in a thorough way. In the flush of infatuation, we all have blinders on. What were the red flags they ignored? We tend to rationalize away troublesome feelings or behaviors so we can immerse ourselves in the thrill of being in love. It feels good so it must be good, and therefore, it must be right. Is this reality? Think of the divorce rate. Ever been swept off your feet only to later ask yourself, “What was I thinking?” It takes a long time to get to know someone; everyone always puts their best foot forward at first.
Research has shown those that take a longer time in the courtship process, have a better prognosis for an enduring, long-term relationship. Think about it like a business. Would you ever buy a business without objectively examining the books, or evaluating the inventory? A thorough assessment is necessary for success, and that takes time and careful consideration. But when it comes to relationships, people generally throw caution to the wind. We’re “swept off our feet” (ah oh). We “fall” in love, losing our heads in the process. Of course, we want to be attracted, chemistry is a necessary component of a spectacular relationship. But we want to give ourselves enough time to engage our heads as well as our hearts, or we are courting failure.
Consider this; many companies now do credit checks on prospective employees. Why do they do this? They have learned that if they take more time on the front end in screening, they save precious time and money on the back end. We need to look at dating in the same way. The screening process is vitally important in every area of life, but it’s crucial in the mate selection process. We ask our clients to make a list of the things that are important to them in a partner (traits, characteristics, values); this is a powerful way to shape the screening process. By getting clear about what you want (and what you don’t want), you are keeping your head engaged and watchful. In the dating game, having blinders on is disastrous, while reading reality correctly is your most valuable asset. Taking it slow allows you to observe your potential partner in a variety of different situations. This enables you to get a correct read on reality, statistically upping your odds of success!
Contact info: Best Friends First, L.L.C., 42305 Washington Street, Suite 210, Palm Desert, Ca. 92260, (760) 851 5580, bestfriendsfirst.com.
Singles Are Saying YES to Old-Fashioned Matching and No to the Online Dating World
Best Friends First launches new service to local residents
Best Friends First (BFF) fills a need for valley singles looking to meet for a serious, long-term relationship through a more secure process where nothing is done through the internet. Everything is done in person with safety and privacy. Best Friends First just had their ribbon cutting and grand opening on Thursday, November 10, at 42305 Washington Street, Suite 210 in Palm Desert at 4 pm.
The idea is the brainchild of Dean Del Giudice and his wife, Gay Matheson who are expert relationship coaches and have been practicing as (MFT) marriage and family therapists for over 20 years.
According to Dean Del Giudice, “Over the years, we have heard many comments about how difficult it is to meet a quality partner; some share their fears of growing old alone.”
BFF was created as a solution to the over-saturated and disappointing online dating market with companies like match.com or eHarmony that connect singles through matching algorithms. This method leaves out the personal touch singles are seeking. One of the biggest challenges for many singles is trusting they will find someone who’s seriously looking for a relationship. BFF eliminates that uncomfortable step and makes introductions to someone who’s compatible and seriously looking for a long-term partner.
BFF has a novel approach to dating that includes a personal interview, video interview, compatibility test, relationship coaching, video interview shown to prospective matches in person, national criminal background check, and unlimited matches over a 3-year period. The video interview insures that there is a current, actual, representation of clients and their prospective choices. Introductions are then hand-selected to most closely match the person’s desires for a long-term relationship. The cost for Best Friends First BFF membership is $2,500 for unlimited matches over a 3 three-year period or until someone opts out due to meeting a partner.
“We’re focused on introductions based on a true representation of a person’s personality, desires and compatibility and that just isn’t captured in an online dating profile,” said Gay Matheson.
Best Friends First is taking dating back to the basics and making dating less intimidating. Coachella Valley locals can say goodbye to dating profiles and find love the old fashioned way. For more information or to sign up on an interest list go to bestfriendsfirst.com or call 760.851.5580.