Hi Jenny,
I have a girlfriend who I have been dating, exclusively, for 2 months. The only thing is, she has another boyfriend! He is a seaman and has been out on a boat for the entire time we have been together. She speaks with him and they email each other, but she won’t see him for another month. She plans on ending their relationship, but wants to do it in person. I understand what she is going through and told her I would be patient and wait until he comes back. However, I think about it all the time, it’s driving me crazy and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do! But I do know this, I do not want to lose her and if being in this situation is the only thing that guarantees she will be with me, I’ll take it. Also, it’ll probably only last for another month.
What’s your opinion?
– Raymond
Dear Raymond,
That is quite a challenge, for any relationship. There are a few things that came to mind when I read your situation and I would like to share them with you.
First, you talked about this amazing, great girl who is so special to you and you don’t want to lose her; even if that means sharing her with another man. Next month, when her other boyfriend returns from his sea voyage, she will end their relationship. At least, that’s what you think. But let me ask you this, what if she doesn’t? There comes a time when you need to stop planning your future based on what you think other people will do.
When did it become acceptable for you to let someone tell you that you are pretty good, satisfactory? Don’t you think you are the best? Don’t you think you are pretty fantastic and a magnificent being?
It sounds almost like you think very highly of yourself and maybe this girl can’t see it, so you just need a little more time, to push her over the edge and show her how great you are. I understand that, but please keep in mind, whenever you have to prove your worthiness to someone, it means that you believe you are unworthy. If it wasn’t this girl Raymond, it would be someone else. It only has to do with your sense of worthiness, do you feel you are loving and lovable?
Let’s think about it this way, there are billions of people in this world, why does it have to be this one girl? This one girl who obviously doesn’t think you are worth being with solely. This one girl who is treating you like you are as good as her other boyfriend, so she’ll take you both! Could it be as simple as this? You believe you are almost as good and will take what you can get. It sounds like this relationship is a great representation to show you how you see yourself.
Relationships should always be viewed as stepping stones leading us to the next part of our life. Sometimes they work out and other times they don’t. Always though, they are needed in our growth.
May I suggest that this relationship is what you needed to finally learn how to appreciate yourself? Because after all, every relationship is about the relationship we have with ourselves.
– ❤Namaste, Jenny
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