A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD
It had to happen. And don’t blame old man Bruce Willis for the monumentally disappointing fifth entry in the franchise that began 25 years ago. It all starts with great promise. The first 20 or so minutes are filled with eye-ball popping, jaw-dropping non-stop action. And then it starts to spiral downhill into a morass of loud, dumb, incoherent scenes that do not serve the angry, squinty-eyed Willis. I’d summarize the story if I could, but it’s just not worth the effort. This is a bad film. Trust me on this. Please don’t go see it thinking it can’t be that bad. It’s worse than bad: it’s horrible. I wonder if Willis even read the script once he cashed his fat check. Oh well, we all have to pay our mortgages.
BEAUTIFUL CREATURES
Not nearly as campy and disappointing as I expected, BEAUTIFUL CREATURES is a coming-of-age, gothic love story adapted from a YA novel and clearly aimed at Twilighters.
Ethan (Alden Ehrenreich) is a young man longing to escape his small town and Lena (Alice Englert) is the mysterious new girl. Together they discover dark but not surprising secrets about their families, their personal history and their town. The two attractive leads effectively carry the movie on their young shoulders and make this film a far more enjoyable experience than one might assume. Co-stars Jeremy Irons and Emma Thompson deliver more than what is on the script’s pages and the camp factor is held to a minimum under the clean direction of Richard LaGravenese.
New for home the home theater:
SPIDERS 3D
I am not ashamed to say that I like cheese-ball 3D giant insect movies that remind me of my childhood and the headache inducing 3D flicks that required those flimsy paper glasses with the blue and red plastic lenses. SPIDERS 3D is an obvious story about mutant spiders that fall to earth from a disabled Soviet space station hit by a swarm of meteorites. New York City captures the brunt of the falling debris that includes a gigantic queen spider that seeks to protect her eggs and thus create an army of killer spiders. It’s up to transit supervisor Jason Cole (Patrick Muldoon) and his health inspector wife Rachel (Christa Campbell) to stop the spiders and save their young daughter. There are leaps of logic as well as puzzling edits that momentarily distract and not enough of the giant spiders. The 3D effects have their moments. The queen spider has a silly, toothy, grinning face that’s meant to be scary but struck me as funny. I got the impression this was filmed in Bulgaria. The subway sets and NYC streets were pretty good, considering. But make no mistake, SPIDERS is not in the same league as 1954’s giant ant invasion movie THEM!
HOLY MOTORS
Monsieur Oscar (Denis Lavant) spends his days cruising Paris in his white stretch limo. Oscar’s driver, Celine, a slim blonde woman transports Oscar to various appointments while he changes his appearance in the back of the limo which is like a make-up room of a movie studio. Leos Cerax’s movie follows Oscar during one long night during which he becomes a businessman, assassin, beggar, monster and family man. The shadowy Oscar totally commits to each part. Oscar talks about invisible cameras, but who is the audience? And what is Oscar’s mission? For me, the movie is enigmatic, sometimes shocking, and finally meaningless, pretentious BS. For others, it’s a wildly entertaining ride with numerous unexpected twists and turns. But so what?
THE INTOUCHABLES
When Driss (Omar Sy), an ex-con from the projects, is hired to take care of an eccentric French aristocrat named Phillipe (Francois Cluzet), his newfound job quickly becomes an unpredictable adventure. Speeding a Maserati through Paris, seducing women and paragliding over the Alps is just the beginning, as Driss turns the often-humorous world of upper class Parisian society topsy-turvy. As this unlikely duo overcomes the adversity of every flavor in this true story, they also shatter their preconceptions of love, life and each other. Written and directed by Olivier Nakache and Eric Toledano, THE INTOUCHABLES is based on the #1 International Best Selling Book “You Changed My Life.” The film received huge critical and audience acclaim and was the top grossing foreign film in North America in 2012 and a big hit locally at Palm Desert’s Cinemas Palme d’Or. Don’t miss this wonderfully engaging comedy-drama.
Also newly available: ARGO (Warner Bros.), THE GAME OF THRONES (HBO) and SINISTER (Summit).
RobinESimmons@aol.com
