Dear Jenny,
I recently broke up with my boyfriend who has a heavy drinking problem. He was very loving and attentive, but his drinking interfered with our relationship in negative ways. For example, because he was highly intoxicated he broke my ankle, yet he still won’t admit he has a problem. My question is, do I give him a chance to prove he can be in a healthy relationship or move on? The fact that I’m getting older, still not married and without kids, well that has me freaking out! Men, who needs them? It doesn’t matter what age, they’re all the same. (I say that because my previous relationship was with an older guy and he was no better)
Look forward to a response,
-Lexi
Wow LexI,
Let’s try to slowly break it down. So you were dating a person who is much older than you? Was the main reason you were with him because you thought he would act a little more mature than the others you were used to dating? Actually, let me rephrase that, did you think he would act a different way towards you than the others you were used to dating? And when that proved to be untrue, you ended the relationship, just another failed relationship with a guy who needs to grow up? Is that the conclusion you came to?
From there you moved on to another relationship, this time to a guy who was loving and attentive (your words, not mine). Unfortunately, he had a drinking problem, one that resulted in breaking your ankle. And even after that, he wouldn’t admit to having a problem. Well Lexi, would it matter if he did admit it? You would still be where you are. The only thing that these relationships have in common is you. So let’s talk about you for a bit. We have established that you want a successful, loving, happily ever after, relationship.
Ask yourself some important questions about what you want. How much do you want it? When we are desperate for anything, we are cutting off any creativity from coming our way. We are no longer open to new ideas, new people, new things, we are just desperate and only able to focus on what we know, what is familiar. That is why the same “type” of guy keeps entering your life. Now that your relationship is over and you are no longer with a partner, maybe take this time to release some of your old patterns of thinking; the patterns that keep leading you to the same thing. The only way to let go of desperation is to release everything in its way. Things like not having children, getting older, etc. Let go of everything that is fear based, whatever is limiting to you, it is no longer serving you. But the key here is, when you let go, you can’t be attached to the outcome. Meaning, you can’t give something up, in order to receive something in return. The universe doesn’t work that way. Your surrender must be entirely honest with no strings attached. You must give up the relationship that isn’t serving you and risk getting nothing in return.
When you give up what you have because you clearly don’t want it, you gain more self love, more self respect, more integrity. When you are willing to trust that you will find a more satisfying relationship or willing to be okay if you do not, that’s when your own personal growth starts taking place. When you start being okay with being alone, you begin to send out new signals to the universe!
Get rid of all your old definitions of what a relationship is, get rid of your old patterns of relationships, release them. Let go of everything and grow! Growth is more a process of letting go than it is a process of stocking and saving.
Maybe you shouldn’t get frustrated with yourself and your track record when it comes to relationships, maybe it’s just time to grow!
❤Namaste, Jenny
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“Some problems must simply be lived with, and some simply lived through. Many, however, have overstayed their welcome and are long overdue for release.”
~Katherine Woodward Thomas
