By Slim Man

One thing you gotta love about America, when a movie hits big, you can be absolutely sure there will be sequels coming out for the next fifty years or so. The first Godfather sequel was the first movie to actually use a number after the name, as in Godfather II.


The Star Wars movie franchise got a little more creative. They actually named their sequels instead of using numbers after the name. Then, the Star Wars people decided to do prequels, going back in time before the events of the first Star Wars movie.

It all gets a bit confusing, but they keep pumping out Star Wars movies as fast as they can make them. When a movie makes money, the Hollywood movie-making machinery will spit out sequels and prequels like there’s no tomorrow.

Think of all the James Bond films. There are 26. Seriously!

There is now a sequel to the first Fifty Shades of Grey movie. The book was a world-wide smash, and the movie did well, so now there’s a sequel called Fifty Shades Darker.

When I first heard about the Fifty Shades of Grey book, I thought they were talking about the hair color of the blue-plate special crowd. Imagine my surprise when I found out Fifty Shades of Grey was about S&M.

Let me tell you about my own personal experience with S&M. One night I was having a drink at a bar, when a lovely lady asked me if I liked S&M. I said, “Absolutely! My favorite!”

She invited me back to her house. When we got in the door, she slapped some handcuffs on me and whacked me across the face with a riding crop. I asked her what the hell she was doing. She said, “I thought you were into S&M?”

And I said, “I am! I thought you were talking about Slim Man! Isn’t that what S&M stands for?”

Then she explained to me what S&M stood for. Whoa! It wasn’t Slim Man. It was Sadism and Masochism. Big difference. Glad I got that straight! So I showed her the Slim Man website, and played her some SM music, and then she smacked me across the chops again with the riding crop. I guess she wasn’t a big fan.

But Fifty Shades of Grey has a lot of big fans. The first book sold millions of copies. The first movie did really well at the box office. And now they’ve got the sequel coming out, it’s called Fifty Shades Darker. The trailer has been tearing up the Internet. And there’s a third movie on the way.

Slim People, I don’t understand all this hoopla. I don’t get the whole S&M thing. Back in the dark days of slavery, whipping people was pretty horrible. Well, really horrible. And now? I guess a lot of people are fascinated by it. How fascinated?

I was listening to the radio, and they were talking about the book, and the first movie. The host of the radio show asked a panel if the movie was good or bad for the S&M community. True story.

S&M community? These people have a community? Seriously? Their monthly meetings must be fun. I can imagine what they must be like. The S&M community leader stands up at the podium and says,

“I call this meeting to order!”

And then someone smacks him in the face with a ping-pong paddle. And then ties him to the podium and whips him with a bullwhip.

“Meeting adjourned!”

I hope I haven’t offended anybody in the S&M community. I don’t want those people coming after me with handcuffs and riding crops. Especially at a Slim Show!

Although it might be good for attendance.

Slim Man is a singer, songwriter, and has a new cookbook. His cookbook and concert schedule are on his website,