By Slim Man

Most people who know me well know about my affliction. It’s a mental health problem. What’s the problem?

I think about things for too long. It’s an ailment that I discovered and diagnosed on my own, and I gave it a name—Attention Surplus Syndrome. You know the acronym. When I start thinking about something, I follow the thread until my brain starts to unravel.

For instance—true story—as I was going to bed last night, I started thinking about Kenny Rogers. Sometimes when you’re drifting off to sleep, some strange thoughts come to mind. Why was I thinking about Kenny Rogers?  Someone had mentioned earlier in the day that they saw a recent photo of him.

I had seen the same photo, and I remarked that Kenny Rogers had so much plastic surgery, that I didn’t know if it was Kenny Rogers or Mr. Rogers.

So, as I was drifting off to sleep, thinking about Kenny Rogers, my ASS kicked in to high gear. I started thinking about the song “Lucille.” I couldn’t get it out of my head. And then, I couldn’t get to sleep. So, I had to look up “Lucille.” I listened to it, again and again. Why?

Because it’s a really good song. I started off as a songwriter, it’s all I ever really wanted to do. My first real job was as a songwriter for Motown. To this day I continue to study and learn and write songs. Seriously. And let me tell you, Slim People, “Lucille” is a damn good song. It’s the opening line that really blew me away.

In a bar in Toledo, across from the depot, on a barstool she took off her ring.” So much information in just a few words. It’s not the pool bar at the Ritz Carlton in Laguna Beach. It’s a bar in Toledo.

And the bar is across from the depot. Most depots I’ve been to have been bus depots and train depots. Or Home Depot. Not real glamorous places.

On a barstool she took off her ring.” I’m pretty sure she was probably taking off her wedding ring, not her Green Lantern magic ring with superpowers. The rest of the song tells the story about how she left her husband, and he tracks her down at the bar, and tells her, “You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille. Four hungry children and a crop in the fields.”

Sure, “Lucille” is a really good song. But how popular was it? Well, it sold a couple million copies. Which got me thinking, what is the most popular song of all time?

The most popular song of all time is “White Christmas.” It sold about 100 million copies. To put that in perspective, the total population of the United States at that time (1954) was 160 million.

Bing Crosby sang “White Christmas,” and it was written by Irving Berlin. So…the most popular song of all time is a Christmas song, written by a Jewish guy, in a town that has rarely seen a snowflake, let alone a white Christmas.

Which town is that? La Quinta, California. Home of Slim Man! Apparently, Irving Berlin wrote “White Christmas” at the La Quinta Hotel.

Can I go to sleep now? My ASS needs a rest!

Who loves ya?

– Slim Man

Slim Man will be signing his Slim Man Cooks cookbook in OldTown La Quinta on Thursday, December 15th, at La Rue Bistro at 5 PM. Check the website for all details.