By Jenny Wallis

Dear Jenny,

I’m wondering if the relationship I am in is normal, and some of the different emotions that I am feeling, are they normal as well? Put bluntly, I have been dating the same guy for over seven months, our relationship seems beautiful to everybody on the outside. It even seems rather nice and almost perfect when I look at it. But the one thing that is a little strange is that he has never kissed me. Or shall I say, we have never kissed. 

It is not like we date once in a while, we are always together and most of the time, we spend our nights together. It is not as though we are not intimate, we absolutely are!  He has introduced me to the majority of his family and has even expressed wanting to have a future with me.  It is just so strange that we have never kissed. I have asked him about it many times, but he tells me that he has a problem with the act of kissing and would prefer that we just don’t. It was OK in the beginning that we avoided it, but I am getting fed up with this. We have grown so close to each other and I feel that this small act is an act of avoidance, although I do not know what of. I have never told any of my friends about it because we look like such a happy couple, I feel weird even asking you about it. What do you think I should do? Have you ever heard of such a thing?

Any advice you can give would be appreciated.

Thanks, Stephanie

Hi Stephanie,

This does seem like a strange situation to be in. But believe it or not, this is not the first time somebody has presented this scenario to me. If I understand the situation correctly, your relationship is perfect, except there is just this small factor. The fact that your boyfriend does not kiss you, ever!

A simple kiss can symbolize so many different things. Take into consideration that a kiss symbolizes something different to your boyfriend then it does to you. You may look at it as a first step when getting to know someone and an essential item in any relationship. However, he may look at it as a totally different thing. Maybe he was never one for kissing in the first place and now that he knows you so well and your relationship has progressed, why should he do something that is so foreign to him? Could it be possible that to him kissing symbolizes getting involved deeply in a relationship and he has no intention of doing that with you or with anyone else, so he is going to keep his distance and the only way he knows how to do that is by not kissing. Or perhaps you need to consider he had a terrible thing happen to him during his childhood and he relates it to kissing, so he does not want to perform the act now or ever. It reminds him too much of a bad time in his life.

My point here is there are so many different possibilities and reasons that he could have for avoiding it.  The only way you will find out why is by asking him. You have stated that you have asked him before and he told you an answer that seemed to be OK for the time being. Apparently, it is not OK anymore and there is no harm in letting him know that. Your relationship has grown and progressed and your need to know has grown and progressed! 

The bottom line is this, there is something happening in your relationship that you do not understand and want clarity on. Until you find out his reason, it is going to consume your mind. Unfortunately, when we do not fully understand the reason that someone is doing something we tend to tamper with it and add a lot of negativity to the situation. Before you go and do that, find out his reason. If he is not comfortable with sharing that, that is fine, but you most likely cannot stick around. Having something on our minds constantly, is enough to drive us crazy.

When it comes down to it Stephanie, you have to figure out what you want in this situation. The reason he is doing what he is doing has nothing to do with you, but the reason you are putting up with what you are putting up with has everything to do with you.

– Namaste, ❤Jenny 

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