By Jenny Wallis
Dear Jenny,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. After the first year together we graduated college and he got a great job. We’ve been long distance ever since! I want to be supportive and I am really proud of him, but I am not sure how much longer I can do long distance. We’ve briefly talked about moving to the same city, but nothing is set and time keeps passing. If he doesn’t want to move to the same city soon, should I break up with him? How long is too long to wait for him to make the move? What if I decide to move to him? I’m afraid that if I agree to move then between that decision and the past years, I’m chasing after him and putting more into the relationship than he is. I don’t want to hold him back from any opportunities, but I also don’t want to hold myself back! Plus, I want to be moving forward in our relationship instead of standing still.
– Lori
Hi Lori,
Wow, I really appreciate you sharing this question. Some of the emotions that are felt in relationships can be very unexplainable, and multiply that with a long distance relationship….those emotions are probably even more intense! Since I don’t know any of the details involved in your relationship, I can only hope to bestow some clarity onto the uncertainty that you feel in this situation.
First off, please know that all relationships evolve, from the moment they start to the moment they end, if they end, and all the moments in between. We all experience growth in all areas of our life; when we don’t grow as individuals, that’s not a good thing. That may be the reason that some relationships don’t work out. Sometimes the growth in relationships can bring the individuals together sometimes the growth pushes them apart! Either way, it’s totally natural and okay. Even though you have been in this relationship for five years Lori, please know that it is not the same relationship it was when it began.
There is no way for me to tell you what you need to do, break up with him, move for him, or keep waiting for him to come to you, that decision is yours. What I can do is tell you that even the fact you asked me the question, means something. The fact that you are frustrated and looking for answers and tired of being in the same spot, that’s growth in itself!
Consider the possibly that if the relationship wasn’t long distance, maybe you wouldn’t want to be part of it anymore. Could it be that this relationship is so comfortable and easy for you, even though you say you want something new, fear is keeping you in the same spot? Leaving our comfort zone isn’t easy, perhaps though, life really doesn’t begin until we step out of it.
I have no doubt that when you two first met up it was a dreamy relationship, and maybe in the beginning of your distance apart it was fabulous and fun as well. But now that you are asking these questions, it shows you are ready for some changes. All relationships are stepping stones on our path to moving forward. May I suggest that he is just a step in your path.
It’s great that you are no longer happy with how things are and curious about your future. You need to look deep within yourself and ask yourself what you want. What I know for sure, Lori, is when you have a little voice inside of you that asks questions and wonders thing, you have to honor it. Call it whatever you want; intuition, your inner guide, your gut feeling, but that voice is never wrong and should always be listened to.
“You cannot have a happy ending to an unhappy journey”– Abraham
– ❤Namaste, Jenny
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