While I believe that we live in the greatest country in the world, it is hard to disagree with the general opinion that our political system is dysfunctional and broken. Another widely held observation is that America is getting dumberer. When you combine a dysfunctional political system with an increasingly dense populace, well, laws show what you get:
My absolute favorite nonsensical law can be found in Chico, just north of the state capital where there is a $500 fine for detonating a nuclear device within city limits. Terrorists, take that!
Our county capital, Riverside, bans the carrying of your lunch on city sidewalks between 11am-1pm.
Locally, most of the laws are not too peculiar once you get past Palm Springs. When in Palm Springs remember that you may not walk your camel down in the street between 4-6pm daily. Luckily, no other city has such restrictions. Cathedral City bans you from bringing your dog to school. Indian Wells bans fortune tellers, does not allow rock crushing and has declared it illegal for businesses to play musical instruments to attract customers.
In the high desert of Apple Valley, ducks quacking after 10pm is illegal. Heading up north to Berkeley, you may not whistle to a canary before 7am. Pacific Grove is more concerned with butterflies and fines you $500 if you bother them.
In Walnut, a town nestled in the carbon monoxide geographical box of the 605, 57, 10 and 60 freeways, no man may dress as a woman without a permit from the sheriff unless it is for fun. The sheriff must also issue permits if children wish to wear masks for Halloween. Lastly, if you fly a kite, it may not be more than ten feet off of the ground.
Go next door to El Monte and you will find that they outlawed horses sleeping in bathtubs unless the rider is atop it. While that problem has subsided with the invention of the automobile, lawmakers have not taken it off of the books…just in case. Just south of El Monte is Pico Rivera where they are more concerned with women riding horses in shorts if they weigh more than 200 pounds – that is a code violation punishable with a citation by the (fashion) police. Just north of El Monte is Baldwin where riding your bicycle into a swimming pool will get you a ticket.
Heading east to one of the true garden spots of California – Blythe – you may not wear cowboy boots unless you own two cows.
So you don’t think that it is just our state that has dumb people and questionably necessary laws, other states have their own forms of stupidiotry. Just this year, North Carolina made it a felony to steal more than $1,000 of grease while banning local planning agencies from using the science of climate change and a predicted rise in sea levels in building codes. By contrast, the United Arab Emirates design all buildings considering this scientific likelihood and its damage to buildings on land that is at or near sea level.
In Horneytown, North Carolina (an actual place), massage parlors are banned. In Asheville, it is illegal to sneeze in public. Moving over to Dublin, Georgia, it is illegal to drive through a playground (whew!). In Illinois, you may only drive cars with steering wheels. In Almosa, Colorado it is illegal to throw missiles at cars. Don’t you wonder what happened in Almosa that caused someone to think that this law was needed?
So what is your take away from this week’s column? Get edumicated…and I created a new word: stupidiotry.
Fight Stupidiotry! Don’t Get Dumberer! Get Edumincated! Read CV Weekly!
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