By Slim Man
I had no idea what Style Fashion Week was until my friend called me up and asked me if the Slim Man band could play at the affair. I was already booked, but I was curious, so I checked it out. It’s a pretty big deal. Every major fashion magazine will be there. They’re expecting thousands of people. It looks like quite a snazzy shindig.
Yes, I would have liked to play at this event, if only for the people-watching. But what I’d really like to do is interview the supermodels. Not because I’d like to go out with one–supermodels must be really expensive dates. You can’t just take them to In-n-Out Burger. I have some questions, and I’d like some answers.
Why do supermodels look so irritated? Can someone please explain that to me? They’re getting paid a thousand bucks an hour to walk down a runway. They’re wearing clothes that cost as much as new cars, yet they look so bored and bothered.
Would it kill them to smile? Just once?
They’ve all got rock stars or billionaires for boyfriends. They’re flying around the world in private jets, ordering exotic dishes in ridiculously expensive restaurants and then taking one bite and shoving it away as if they just got served a subpoena.
So why do they look so…annoyed? It’s not like they have to do cartwheels down the runway like some Olympic gymnast starting a floor routine. They’re just walking. They didn’t have to practice for years and years, learning how to walk. They didn’t have to go to four years of college to learn how to put on fake eyelashes. They didn’t get a master’s degree in eyelining.
Yes, I understand that most supermodels don’t have long careers. You gotta grab the money while you can. And yes, when the hair stylist gives you a hairdo that looks like the Sydney Opera House, I understand why you might not be the happiest gal in the world. And maybe when the fashionistas make you wear a Hefty trash can liner as a dress, I can sympathize.
But that’s fashion. And fashion is a lot more complicated for women than it is for men.
Fashion for men is simple. We don’t have a lot to choose from. Take shirts, for instance. Men’s shirts have buttons in the front and either long or short sleeves. That’s about it. Designers aren’t gonna start putting buttons on the side, or making puffy sleeves, or making off-the-shoulder shirts for men.
But women? They have a million shirts, blouses, and tops to choose from. V-necks, scoop necks, cowl necks; halter tops, tube tops, kimono tops, tank tops. They’ve got bustiers, camisoles, tunics. Women have shirts that go down to their knees, and mid-riff shirts that show their bellies.
Men don’t have shirts that show their bellies. They have shirts that hide their bellies. The biggest evolution in men’s shirts has been that they now leave them untucked. Men’s shoes are pretty simple. You’ve got dress shoes, athletic shoes, and work shoes. That’s about it.
Women? They’ve got high heels, low heels, kitten heels, stiletto heels, ankle straps, mules, flats, wedges, platforms, sling backs, ankle boots, riding boots, thigh-high boots.
Most men won’t wear thigh-high boots. Unless they’re in a stream, fishing.
Style Fashion Week is November 9th until the 12th.
Who loves ya?
– Slim Man
Slim Man is a singer, songwriter, and rodeo clown. His cookbook, concert schedule, and CDs are all available on his website: www.slimman.com
