By Sunny Simon
Recently I was the guest speaker at an American Business Women’s Association meeting. My presentation was entitled, “Musings from a Bag Lady.” Attendees were given a bag of objects. Each item in the bag represented a life lesson featured in my talk. For example, one object was a straight pin relating to my advice about straight talk, stressing the importance of honesty.
I enjoyed creating the bags and working on my positive strategy musings. Initially I viewed the project as another fun speaking presentation. The saying is “you teach what you need to learn.” It’s funny how that works. As I scripted each the straight talk muse, I did some soul searching. Did I sometimes tell little white lies? Answer… yes. Is this behavior a method to protect others from bruised egos? Or do I sometimes omit the truth to avoid conflict? Answer… yes. Upon reflecting on the lesson I was about to teach, I vowed to be more cognizant of “walking my talk” and staying true to honesty values.
Often many of us would rather withhold our truth rather than clash with others and deal with conflicting viewpoints. Granted, it is so much easier to vent-off our frustrations to a third party. The problem with that strategy is nothing gets resolved.
How should we deal with sticky situations? Let’s say a co-worker steamrolls you at a meeting by using aggressive behavior tactics. While you are talking she disagrees, impatiently talks over you forcing her point and gaining buy-in from the group. You are left silently fuming considering your options. You can thank her for her input and clearly restate your position. She was convincing so you may have lost that battle, but you need not suffer further damage to your self-esteem.
The fact is people respect honesty. To resolve a situation like this you must take action and speak your truth. I recommend initiating a 24-hour cooling-off period, and then calling her to schedule a meeting over coffee. Be calm, open and forthright as you explain how her behavior was offensive. My guess is she may act surprised that she upset you. She might be acting in sincerity, or purely acting. It doesn’t matter. You succeeded in delivering the message regarding her unprofessional behavior. Trust me, if you were very clear, she got the message and will verbally or silently respect you for calling her out.
