By Julie Buehler
I grew up in a big family. Holidays weren’t so much about tradition as they were survival. So everything my parents taught me through the holidays stuck with me. But this past week, I watched what happened in the world of sports and couldn’t help but wonder why some of our most prominent athletes weren’t taught the same invaluable lessons.
Never Overstay The Welcome: The holidays are about seeing your loved ones and catching up after a year of life. They help us carve memories we share and memories we want to share. But there comes a point that too much sharing means no one is caring and someone has overstayed their welcome. The third plate of turkey is cold, the fourth heap of stuffing is served with a “humph” and it’s likely your uncle from upstate New York is the ONLY person unaware the party is over. But it is. As in, Dad-Is-In-His-Underwear-Over. But good ole’ Unk is blissfully unaware of the reality that is painfully pouring across the faces of the entire family.
THAT’s Kobe Bryant right now.
He announced he will retire after this season, to which all eleventy-billion of his doctors cried victoriously “FINALLY.”
Kobe overstayed his welcome the way you and your loved ones over eat every Thanksgiving. We knew it was coming, yet we all act surprised.
But I’m not.
Kobe should have retired 2 years ago, you know before he accepted that bloated and cap-crushing 2-year, $48.5 million extension from Jim “I Want To Be One Of The Cool Guys Too” Buss.
But he didn’t.
And now he, and Kevin Durant, wants us to accept his proverbial 10th trip through the Thanksgiving buffet line. He’s not good at basketball, but he’s good enough at making us hope that Laker fans want him around. But just like your uncle from upstate New York, it stinks having to clean up after him AGAIN, and Kobe is making the Lakers clean up his mess. It’s awful. And selfish. And something my mother taught me not to do decades ago. Don’t overstay your welcome. It goes for friends, family and future Hall-Of-Famers.
The Best Present Will Always Be Getting Someone What They Want: Sounds rigorously simple eh? But if you’ve been around those who shop for presents, efforting beyond reason to get the most surprising and most complex gift, you’d understand the wisdom in this one. Growing up, my mom would say, “Here’s the parameters, what do you want?” Us kids would answer; understanding the efficiency of requesting within those parameters would almost guarantee delivery. And behold, gifts under the tree reflected our requests.
So, Bronco fans, Colts fans, Vikings fans, Bengals fans, Panthers fans and more want a Super Bowl eh? Do you realize the most efficient means to have that delivered is through a punishing running game and stiff defense? First, I love the Panthers. If you haven’t watched this team, let this be my gift to you. Watch them. As much as humanly possible. Meanwhile, the rest of those teams, all of which have doubts surrounding them and pundits casting aspersions, keep the faith. Your team is close to delivering what you want.
Manning dropping out for the Broncos will open opportunities for their backs. Gore should become more of a staple on the Colts (and as a Niners fan, I’m excited for his pending success), the Hawks and Bengals are in the same boat. Keep running the ball. Let everyone else drool over passing numbers. Keep your defense tight and your running game tighter.
Regardless Of What You Don’t Have, Be Thankful For ALL That You Do Have: Gosh Tom, I feel bad that you lost ONE GAME. Forget the 10 other ones you eeked out or destroyed the opposition. You lose ONE GAME and you cry about the refs and injuries and toss expletives and excuses and want us to commiserate with you? Sorry Turbo, I can see through the Super Bowl rings. It’s ONE GAME. Out of 16. So the ’72 Dolphins are happy, your team is still the best in the AFC and your fan base is even more obnoxiously (if that were even possible) in love with you. Sounds like a win-win to me.
Just a few tips my mom and dad taught me as a kid could help our sports scene regain some semblance of common sense.
Julie Buehler hosted the Coachella Valley’s most popular sports talk radio show, “Buehler’s Day Off” every day for 3 years, but now she can be exclusively seen on KMIR sharing the coolest stories in sports and heard on 103.9 FM ESPN from 6-7 pm nightly. She’s an avid gym rat, slightly sarcastic and more likely to recite Steve Young’s career passing stats than American Idol winners. Tune in to KMIR’s nightly news or KMIR.com for her sports reports.
