By Noe Gutierrez
Long Duk Dong is the name of the fictional character in the classic 80’s movie ‘Sixteen Candles’. It’s also the assumed name of Coachella Valley Weekly’s Best of 2013 “Best Cover Band”. They are self-proclaimed as “The Best 80’s Cover Band This Side of the Dinosaurs”. The dinosaurs they refer to are of course Mr. Rex and Ms. Dinny the tyrannosaurus rex and brontosaurus replicas off the I-10 in Cabazon. Much like those dinos, LDD are a huge draw to passersby in the Coachella Valley and are sure to bring a throw-back crowd to The Hood Bar & Pizza on New Year’s Eve.
Nicco Ysiano, aka “The Donger”, is the band’s formidable leader and front man. “The Donger” can sing, rap and dress the part. His unique perspectives on 80’s wardrobe changes that match the particular set are legendary. “My favorite part of the 80’s was watching cartoons and MTV while eating cereal in my chonies,”said Ysiano.
His equally intimidating female associate is Chelsea “Da Voice” Sugarbritches. Sugarbritches (her actual last name is withheld here to protect the innocent) handles lead vocals like nobody’s business. “My favorite part of the 80’s was the War on Drugs.” She is the epitome of the anthem ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’. She also tackles vulgar rap vocals on songs originally written for a male lead.
Craig Brown plays the drums for LDD. Despite his youth, Brown has an ‘old soul’ for drumming. Brown shares the legitimacy of LDD, “Playing in LDD is important because we love to see how all the fun songs from the 80’s make people happy and take them back.” He is also the drummer for Penny Unniversity and Dali’s Llama. Brown attests to his tender age, “My favorite part of the 80’s was being born.”
Joe “Dub” Wallace, at least that’s what I call him, is the band’s bass player and third lead vocalist. He also performs with the respectable reggae band Roots Syndicate. A highlight of mine is when “Dub” puts the bass down to woo the women by singing his rendition of ‘Sunglasses at Night’.
Chris Koenig is the keyboard master. He also straps on the key-tar when it’s called for. Koenig may be the “quiet one” but he is also the “brain”.
Finally there’s the conductor, Jeff Mazer who is LDD’s unsung hero. He is a multi-instrumentalist, sound technician and over-looked vocalist. He plays keyboards primarily but can pick up the bass and guitar without trepidation. Mazer is the glue of the LDD puzzle.
Long Duk Dong has performed at almost every venue conceivable in the Coachella Valley. They have a knack of putting a smile on your face regardless of your age or whether you were a product of the 80’s. That decade produced many a hit song and LDD carries that torch with pride. Whether it be one-hit wonders or classic songs that you secretly sing to in the car or the shower, LDD is everyone’s band. Extra cheese please!
Long Duk Dong will be performing at the Hood Bar & Pizza 74360 Highway 111, Palm Desert on Tuesday for New Year’s Eve. There is a $100 prize for the best 80’s costume.
Dub puts it in terms only he comprehends, “Like Voltron we shall continue to defend the universe. LDD will proceed and continue to rock the party!” Ysiano astutely puts it into perspective, “We are going to continue to rock rad 80’s awesomeness and continue to provide the inspiration for countless dick jokes for years to come. Whatcha gonna do when Dongermania runs wild on you?”
When you think 80’s think this: First name Long, last name Dong.
Look for LongDukDong80s on Facebook for more information and future shows.
