In a Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens said “these are the best of times, these are the worst of times.” This is especially true during this time of the year, in the greater Palm Springs community. We all have many holiday parties, along with the tourists on vacation and the snowbirds…and that means drinking and driving. We also have many checkpoints to clear. Many of my readers get stopped every year, and some get charged with a DUI, which just means impaired driving. You don’t have to be drunk!

A good attorney will always take the blame to protect his/her client. If stopped, make your attorney the bad guy, “strawman”, whose advise you are following, and thus not agreeing to everything the police want. Consider saying, “Upon the advice of my attorney, Dale Gribow, I exercise my right to remain silent, until you contact him at (760) 837-7500 or, for his OK.

My attorney advises me the VOLUNTARY FIELD SOBRIETY AND BREATH TESTS, at the scene, are OPTIONAL (unless one is on probation).

Without my lawyers ok, I elect not to take them. However, I want to cooperate, and am happy to take a BLOOD TEST. Many lawyers believe that by the time they get the blood test, your reading is going down…unless you chugged a drink, shortly before being stopped.


If you want to further piss off the cop during a DUI stop, consider the following stupid things:

  1. When stopped, pull over, and say “what’s wrong ‘ossifer’, there’s no blood in my alcohol?”
  2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
  3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
  4. If he asks if you know how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to……
  5. Touch him/her.
  6. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
  7. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
  8. Refer to him/her by the first name.
  9. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
  10. When he says no, cry.
  11. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
  12. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
  13. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood
  14. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don’t go that way.
  15. When he pts the handcuffs on, say “usually my dates buy me dinner first”
  16. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don’t like ink on your fingers.
  17. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say “Ooops!l That’s the wrong name.”
  18. When he comes up to the car, say “license and registration please, right when he says it
  19. When he goes to give you your rights, sing la la la, I can’t hear you.
  20. Trip and fall into him.
  21. Accuse him of police brutality, when he pushes you away.
  22. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose, You have to sign with his pen.
  23. Chew on the pen, nervously.
  24. Clean your ear with the pen.
  25. If it’s a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
  26. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar.
  27. Ask him If he has worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.
  28. Act like you are retarded.
  29. If he is telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
  30. Or, mumble to yourself
  31. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talking about, DUDE?
  32. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and says hmmm… Only 5 of you here tonight…
  33. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.
  34. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!
  35. Ask if he watches Cops?
  36. Ask if he ever watched COP ROCK?
  37. Giggle if he did.
  38. Talk to your hand.
  39. Ask if he knows someone named Rosy Palm, and her Five Favorite Friends
  40. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.
  41. When he frisks you, say you missed a spot and grin.
  42. When he asks to inspect your case, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.
  43. Try to sell him your car.
  44. Ask if you can buy his car.
  45. If he takes you to the station, ask him to sit in front.

Dale Gribow, Attorney at Law, is a “Boutique Concierge” PI/DUI multi TOP LAWYER award winning firm with numerous “Days in his honor.”

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