Dear Jenny,

I think that I am a pretty together person.  Meaning, I have done lots of work on myself, the “self-help” kind.  I am proud that I am such an independent, accomplished woman.  I feel that I don’t need a man and I wasn’t even looking for a relationship.  Then I met someone, he seemed to be everything I wanted.  After a few months of dating, he started telling me I needed to change the way I wore my makeup and he even made negative comments about my clothes.  I was actually ashamed that I looked so ugly to him.  I even wondered how I had made it this far in my life wearing the wrong clothes.  Can you believe that?  Isn’t that the stupidest thing?  But that is how I felt.  I only dated him a few more weeks and then woke up one day and decided this was not the guy for me.  I am happy I didn’t waste too much time with him, but I feel weak that I put up with it at all.

It’s funny, just when I thought I was making progress with myself, something like this happens and I go right back to where I started.

I am feeling frustrated and angry with myself,

– Katie


Hi Katie,

To start off, DO NOT feel frustrated or angry with anyone, namely you. It’s great that you have come such a long way and were able to recognize how you were responding almost immediately.

Sometimes a person will walk into our lives and say all the right things at the right times and we think, “maybe this is my beloved.”

But that person will act a certain way or do something that will snap us back into reality.  Looks like this was the thing!  Perhaps you need to stop beating up on yourself for falling for the same old lines.  Maybe you need to appreciate that you are so in tune with what you want in a mate, you are not going to waste time on someone who doesn’t treat you the way you want to be treated.

Quite often we want something so bad we fill in the empty spaces with what we want in order to make the match work.  Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole!  Why don’t you try to NOT fill in the spaces?  There are people out there who would never ask you to change, who love you for you, not what they can change you into!  Katie, we all change, it’s inevitable. However, when someone else asks you to change for them, eek!

Please know that your beloved is right around the corner!  Consider the possibility that this person was your final test, and the next one will be the magnificent one!  Imagine you never would have met the one if you changed for this guy!

We need not always be looking to what we want and what we are striving for. We need to be grateful and appreciate where we are at the present time.  Maybe we are not where we want to be, we are only on a path moving us in that direction, but that’s a great path to be on!  Remember this little bit of information, when we are in the act of appreciating ourselves, we are in full alignment and when we are in full alignment we will not accept or attract anyone into our lives who does not adore us for us.  But when we are wavering between being in and out of alignment, we might let someone into our lives who isn’t happy with himself either.  That’s when problems occur!

You’re doing just fine Katie!


– Love, Jenny

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